Endings

I gave in to my weakness for his attention and saw him after being free of him for a month. The scene was not pretty and resulted in me being forced into sex against my will after I'd begged him to stop attempting to touch me and kiss me and seduce me into giving in to his will. I cried and finally gave in after realizing that it was happening and I could not not stop it as he was already inside of me.

I felt a part of me died in those moments. I had handled the situation as I should have and it was now blowing up in my face due to my desire to be with him and my hope that his feelings for me had changed. I learned in those moments how stupid I had been to hope for anything more than what was taking place. I had wasted a year on yet another person that had no vested interests in me or my well being....

I gave in to the moment and the experience was subpar because I no longer had the emotional involvement that makes a sexual experience that much better.

I fell asleep at some point and slept restlessly. The next morning I got up and told him that I'd see him later and then I caught myself and I said..."or not". I have not spoken with him since.

He sent me a text message on Thanksgiving saying "Happy Turkey Day, Turkey. Lol," and I responded with a "Ditto." I didn't hear from him until two weeks later with a "hello strager" message that I did not respond to.

As much as I am hurt by the entire situation, I have learned to accept that it will never be what I wanted and that we will not communicate again.

My "aunt" passed away today. She had been asleep in a room in my grandmother's house. My grandmother tried to rouse her for breakfast and she did not respond. She was only 61 years old and now she is gone without any fanfare..without the world having known that she was here.

This is a thankless world....