I am an avid fan of personality analysis. For years I've studied about MBTI and the like and have adopted it as a sound explanation for most of humanity's behaviors. Today, I decided to do a little hunting for INFP groups as I'm an INFP and I read about the INFP shadow.
In all of the years that I've studied, I hadn't read about our inferior traits. It seems that the other side of the coin consist of our weak areas. These traits are typically shown when we are under stress or other unusual circumstances. It says that mine is a negative form of the ESTJ. How interesting is that!
I'm going to take a nap and then resume studying about the shadows of the personality types....
http://www.teamtechnology.co.uk/mb-types/infp.htm
Sunday, October 30, 2005
Crawling in the dark....
For every step that one takes forward, when they slip, they tend to take at least three backwards. At least, that's been my experience to date. The previous week had been terribly busy and my stress levels were elevated. I tried my little excercises in being positive and found that I was falling short. I made the decision to see the guy that I stopped seeing after the revelation that he was seeing other women.
I decided that I would use the experience and the excercise as a way of closing that chapter. I figured that since I am fully aware of where we stand, I couldn't hope to get anything more out of it.
It was what it was. It certainly helped to calm some of the restlessness that I've been experiencing of late. He gave me a massage that seemed to release a lot of pain in my system, but, once it cleared, I felt a lot better.
We are not going to begin seeing each other regularly again. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty certain that I won't see him again, (it's a very long story, but trust me on this one). I feel ok. Our interaction was nothing like it'd been before, so I can't mourn something that is no longer. I don't feel terrible for my decision, I'm just awfully tired. I was up really late and slept during the day and I've got a chest cold.
I had a lot of time to reflect on the drive home. I'm tired of dating and dodging men. Literally! I think that it's time to open a new chapter of my life. In this chapter, I'm single and use my energies to focus on self realization and getting my spiritual balance back in place.
I feel as if I've spent the bulk of my adult life entangled with another person and it is a blessing to be free if the person you are with has negative energy.
It made more sense in my head! Lol. I'm just tired...and while I'm not feeling hopeless that I'll find a nice guy, I'm feeling resigned to the fact that there will not be any quality to my existence until I regain me.
I decided that I would use the experience and the excercise as a way of closing that chapter. I figured that since I am fully aware of where we stand, I couldn't hope to get anything more out of it.
It was what it was. It certainly helped to calm some of the restlessness that I've been experiencing of late. He gave me a massage that seemed to release a lot of pain in my system, but, once it cleared, I felt a lot better.
We are not going to begin seeing each other regularly again. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty certain that I won't see him again, (it's a very long story, but trust me on this one). I feel ok. Our interaction was nothing like it'd been before, so I can't mourn something that is no longer. I don't feel terrible for my decision, I'm just awfully tired. I was up really late and slept during the day and I've got a chest cold.
I had a lot of time to reflect on the drive home. I'm tired of dating and dodging men. Literally! I think that it's time to open a new chapter of my life. In this chapter, I'm single and use my energies to focus on self realization and getting my spiritual balance back in place.
I feel as if I've spent the bulk of my adult life entangled with another person and it is a blessing to be free if the person you are with has negative energy.
It made more sense in my head! Lol. I'm just tired...and while I'm not feeling hopeless that I'll find a nice guy, I'm feeling resigned to the fact that there will not be any quality to my existence until I regain me.
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Cool Blog that I read today...check him out!
With the changes in healthcare over the last few decades, the roles of Nurses has become increasingly more responsible and critical to patient care. HMO's have tacked a cost to each patient and doctors oftentimes don't have the time to give each patient adequate direct patient care. In comes the Nurse...
They are on the frontlines in our hospitals, clinics and even in some cases, our homes, providing education, comfort and medical attention. This young man is a recent graduate from Nursing school. Well done!
http://tmadamba.blogspot.com
They are on the frontlines in our hospitals, clinics and even in some cases, our homes, providing education, comfort and medical attention. This young man is a recent graduate from Nursing school. Well done!
http://tmadamba.blogspot.com
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Sitting on the porch in a swing...
Today started off on such a negative note. I had this long blog first thing this morning. I woke up to a love song that was so sentimental and expressed what I want to have with someone and it made me want to cry...first thing this morning...needing to be to work in an hour. It was terrible. That song, or at least it's message, adversely affected my mood for the rest of the day. I was in a funky mood. I felt down and negative but not upset...just restless and frustrated and really vulnerable. It doesn't help that he didn't call after I left him a message saying that I couldn't do him a favor. It merely emphasizes the fact that he only wants contact with me when he can gain something from the experience. Interacting with me is not enough for him. Whatever we had is so dead that even the ashes leave a bitter taste in my mouth....odd way to put it, eh?
I have this young guy that I had a one night stand with prior to meeting this guy that I'm grieving about, who keeps calling me and wanting to spend time. I am hurting too much to give any energy to trying to "get to know" him. I feel so empty and filled with pain at the same time. I cannot give anything positive right now...at least...that's what I tell myself.
The real issue is that I cannot take him seriously. He is very young and I don't feel passionately for him. I feel that I am chasing an elusive dream. I feel as if I will never feel this depth of emotion for a person again...if ever and it makes me feel hopeless.
I want to contact the guy, but, I'm beginning to annoy myself with the calls! I don't have anything to say so it feels really negative. It's almost business-like as he requests that I do things and I comply. It is so disatisfying...and yet, it is the only way that I can justifiably continue to have contact with him.
Some guy that had messaged me from dating site decided to stop talking to me because I posted a new pic on the site after talking to him....*sigh*
I think that the moral to this story is that I have a lot going on and perhaps the person that I'm looking for is out there...perhaps not, but dealing with these guys is not rewarding. I need to take a break----
I have this young guy that I had a one night stand with prior to meeting this guy that I'm grieving about, who keeps calling me and wanting to spend time. I am hurting too much to give any energy to trying to "get to know" him. I feel so empty and filled with pain at the same time. I cannot give anything positive right now...at least...that's what I tell myself.
The real issue is that I cannot take him seriously. He is very young and I don't feel passionately for him. I feel that I am chasing an elusive dream. I feel as if I will never feel this depth of emotion for a person again...if ever and it makes me feel hopeless.
I want to contact the guy, but, I'm beginning to annoy myself with the calls! I don't have anything to say so it feels really negative. It's almost business-like as he requests that I do things and I comply. It is so disatisfying...and yet, it is the only way that I can justifiably continue to have contact with him.
Some guy that had messaged me from dating site decided to stop talking to me because I posted a new pic on the site after talking to him....*sigh*
I think that the moral to this story is that I have a lot going on and perhaps the person that I'm looking for is out there...perhaps not, but dealing with these guys is not rewarding. I need to take a break----
Monday, October 17, 2005
Liars and cheaters
Not sure what to make of it all because prior to this year, I didn't put much stock into astrology. As I read my forecast, it mentioned how none of the relationships that I took part in between February '05 and January '06 would come to anything. *sigh* It makes those of us feel better who have been in a series of upsets when it comes to relationships, I think. I feel slightly discouraged. I was getting calls from a guy that I met in LA and he seemed to be a nice guy. It turns out that he wanted me to give in to his pressure to come up here so that we could get to know one another so that he could move here to be closer to me.
The thought of a stranger uprooting their life for me terrifies me. Well, when he saw that I wasn't giving in to the pressure, he mentioned that he's liked someone in New York for quite some time and that he's flying her out. If things work out, she will move in with him.
Now, to be honest, I wasn't really interested in this guy. I felt that he was really nice and that I'd be able to cultivate feelings if given time. It was just terribly discouraging to find that someone that I felt was above board was just as misleading as the last guy that I "dated". Lol
It's all pretty laughable if it weren't my reality, I might be in stitches. Oh well. I'm so tired of people and lies and dating and feeling lonely. It will get better. It has to, right?
The thought of a stranger uprooting their life for me terrifies me. Well, when he saw that I wasn't giving in to the pressure, he mentioned that he's liked someone in New York for quite some time and that he's flying her out. If things work out, she will move in with him.
Now, to be honest, I wasn't really interested in this guy. I felt that he was really nice and that I'd be able to cultivate feelings if given time. It was just terribly discouraging to find that someone that I felt was above board was just as misleading as the last guy that I "dated". Lol
It's all pretty laughable if it weren't my reality, I might be in stitches. Oh well. I'm so tired of people and lies and dating and feeling lonely. It will get better. It has to, right?
Sunday, October 16, 2005
My Astro Chart....am I getting desperate or WHAT?
Introduction
This report is a short edition of the AstroText Forecast. It is meant as a sample and advertisement for the full version of the AstroText Forecast which can be ordered from Astrodienst as a bound report of about 20 - 30 pages.
In the short edition, only a few, but nevertheless important transits over your natal chart are considered. It is likely however that some important transits of this six month period have been omitted in this abbreviated report.
If you are interested in the full pattern of relevant themes, please order the full version of this report. Your best choice of report will be Liz Greene's Yearly Horoscope Analysis or Robert Hand's Transits of the Year. These reports will select the really relevant themes of a 12-month period for you, and deal with them in depth and style.
The report was generated for 6 months starting from October 2005 with the following birth data: female, born on 25 March 1981 at 11:25 pm in Modesto, California.
Your sun sign is Aries. This is the sign in which the Sun is in your birth chart. Your Ascendant is in Sagittarius, and your Moon is also in Sagittarius.
Pluto sextile Pluto: Overall gentleness
End of December 2004 until mid October 2006: During this time the changes that take place in your life will be part of a creative evolution. You can see that you are moving toward your goals and that you do not need anything else in order to attain them. You will get there simply by allowing the current energies to play themselves out.
At the same time this influence will create additional opportunities for growth that you may or may not choose to take advantage of. This is a period of stability within change.
Quite likely your concerns will become deeper as you become interested in the more profound aspects of your life. You may wish to understand more about your internal psychological workings, and this is a good time to find out without fearing great upsets. The overall gentleness of this influence allows you to discover many things that could be the source of anguish at other times. On another level, this influence will also give you greater concern about the universe as a whole and where you are in relationship to it.
You will probably find that your views about daily life are stabilizing and maturing. Now that the period of rapid change is past, you are arriving at a way of dealing with the world that will not change much more except, hopefully, when future experience invalidates your present views. In other words, this influence doesn't represent settling into rigidity, but stability.
Uranus square Ascendant: Sudden separations
End of February 2005 until end of January 2006: This influence is likely to have a very disruptive effect on your relationships. Influences may enter your life, either through your home or your profession, that will challenge the foundations upon which your life is built. This challenge will be reflected in surprising encounters with others that upset your way of living or in sudden separations from persons who you thought would remain in your life for some time. Or it may be that you yourself are the catalyst of all these changes as you seek to become free of circumstances that have become oppressive.
During this period it is quite likely that you will do things and go places you never would have thought of in the past. The old patterns of your life simply can no longer encompass what your life is becoming now.
From all of the above it should be obvious that this is not an "evil" influence, although anyone who is wedded to the status quo in life or to their own past will find this period difficult to contend with. Old patterns that have acquired a stranglehold over your life will break up. You may not have been aware of these patterns, because many people find their "strangleholds" quite comfortable, at least until much later on.
The people who enter your life at this time may be quite different from anyone you have known before. Some of these relationships may be quite brief. You may encounter someone for a specific purpose, which you may not be aware of at the time, and once that purpose is accomplished, the relationship ends.
If a new love interest enters your life at this point, it is likely to be exciting, free and totally unpredictable. Do not make a permanent commitment to it until well after the end of this period, for such a relationship is likely to be very unstable and brief.
Uranus conjunction Mercury: Thinking things through
Beginning of April 2005 until mid December 2006: This is a very positive influence, a time when your mind will be stimulated as never before. New ideas, new techniques and new approaches to life will continually come to you. Radical ideas that you would never have entertained before seem perfectly all right now, and you are able to use them positively.
Communication will take on a more important role in your life at this time. You need to share with everyone the new insights that are coming into your life. Consequently you are likely to become a proselytizer for new ideas, trying to break others out of their rigid patterns of thinking. Astrology and the occult in general will attract you now, if they haven't in the past. You will also be interested in scientific and technological disciplines. This is an excellent time to begin studying science and mathematics.
However, if you want to take advantage of these opportunities, you must be quite flexible in your own thinking. If your thinking is very rigid, this will be an extremely upsetting period in which your ideas are challenged and found wanting. Under these circumstances you may become more tense, nervous and threatened. Even if you go along with the insights that this influence can bring, it may be upsetting, because the pace is too fast to keep up. Nervous ailments and anxieties can be a part of this period if the pace becomes too hectic.
A related problem now is the tendency to scatter your thoughts so that you don't think things through very carefully. There is the danger of making decisions impulsively without adequate forethought. In general, this is not a good time to make decisions, but rather a time to learn. Make sure you are in a position where you are free to change your mind, for you may do it frequently. If you try to make a permanent commitment to some new course of action, you are likely to embarrass yourself by seeming inconsistent. The problem is really that you are so constantly exposed to new data that your conclusions have to change as your understanding changes.
Saturn trine Moon: Mutual reinforcement
Beginning of September 2005 until mid June 2006: This influence indicates a time of equilibrium in your life, when the demands of the world are in balance with your emotional needs. Emotional maturity and past experiences have prepared you for this, and now you can put your understanding to work to make your life run more smoothly. Tensions that in the past have seemed to pull you in opposite directions are now working in balance and harmony.
At this time your emotional attitude is sober. Your mental state is relatively quiet, and you can see objectively what is true for you, what your needs are and how much you can give and get from others. Your domestic life and your work reinforce each other, and you are able to attend to both without sacrificing either.
Older people, especially women, may give you great insight and understanding. Your own emotional attitudes are "older" at this time. You take advantage of other people's insights of age.
Saturn trine Ascendant: Gaining experience
Beginning of September 2005 until mid June 2006: During this period of time you will establish yourself with respect to the rest of the world. People will come to know who you are and what you are doing. At the same time this influence indicates that you have reached a point of equilibrium at which your actions and behavior toward others are reliable and consistent. You will not feel like surprising people with sudden or unpredictable actions, nor will you want others to surprise you. Your whole objective is to reach the point where all your affairs are running smoothly and on schedule. Your approach is disciplined, well ordered and mature.
About the only problem with this influence is that you find it difficult to make changes conservatively. And if that response is inappropriate to the situation, you will have difficulty. You are not very flexible, but that is not usually a great problem.
At this time in your life, you are very concerned with gaining experience, particularly in your profession. You are likely to be ambitious and will work hard to get ahead and improve yourself. You will seek out people who can help you, and probably you will make very sure that you want to be fair and just, you don't want to be in debt to anyone. This is a time when self-sufficiency is very important to you.
This is reflected in your relationships also. You are somewhat more reserved than usual and cautious about forming new relationships. Usually this is to the good, although if you are too cautious you may overlook persons who could assist you. Older, more experienced people attract you especially, because you know you can learn from them. A person who will play a very important role as your teacher may come into your life at this time. But don't expect him or her to necessarily conform to your preconceived image of a teacher. He or she may come from any area of your life, and you may not recognize what has happened until later.
Jupiter trine Mercury: Intelligent plans
Beginning of December 2005 until mid August 2006: This is not a time when you should wait for things to come to you. But you can do quite well with it if you communicate with people, look for opportunities, especially in business, and look for good items to buy or sell. This influence confers the ability to see events clearly and to make plans intelligently, which will serve you well in any of these matters.
You are able to put yourself across with confidence and warmth, which will make other people believe you. They will also respect your sincerity and the clarity with which you communicate your ideas. Even if you tell someone something he or she doesn't want to hear, you can do it so that the other person will feel good about you for saying it.
This is an excellent time to take up the study of a new subject, and the more abstract the better. But you also have the ability now to translate abstract ideas into practical reality, which can be very useful in organizing and planning your activities in any sphere of life.
On the psychological level you can expect a period of optimism and positive thinking, fortunately based on reality. You have big ideas, but you have the basic sense to understand what can and cannot be done. This contributes greatly to your effectiveness at this time.
AstroText Forecast - Short Edition October 2005 to March 2006
for (female)
born on 25 March 1981
local time
11:25 pm
in CA (US)
U.T.
07+25
121w00, 37n38
sid. time
11:35:37
Planetary positions
planet
sign
degree
house
motion
Sun
Aries
05°33'00
04
direct
Moon
Sagittarius
07°42'51
12/1
direct
Mercury
Pisces
10°00'17
03
direct
Venus
Aries
02°28'17
04
direct
Mars
Aries
07°08'03
04
direct
Jupiter
Libra
05°28'45
10
retrograde
Saturn
Libra
06°30'18
10
retrograde
Uranus
Scorpio
29°54'52
12
retrograde
Neptune
Sagittarius
24°51'28
01
stationary (R)
Pluto
Libra
23°27'12
11
retrograde
True Node
Leo
09°01'30
08
retrograde
House positions (Placidus)
Ascendant
Sagittarius
07°52'59
2nd House
Capricorn
10°14'32
3rd House
Aquarius
17°18'00
Imum Coeli
Pisces
23°21'46
5th House
Aries
23°17'38
6th House
Taurus
17°17'06
Descendant
Gemini
07°52'59
8th House
Cancer
10°14'32
9th House
Leo
17°18'00
Medium Coeli
Virgo
23°21'46
11th House
Libra
23°17'38
12th House
Scorpio
17°17'06
Transits
Pluto sextile Pluto, 25 Dec 2004 - 13 Oct 2006
Uranus square Ascendant, 28 Feb 2005 - 27 Jan 2006
Uranus conjunction Mercury, 8 April 2005 - 12 Dec 2006
Saturn trine Moon, 9 Sep 2005 - 18 June 2006
Saturn trine Ascendant, 10 Sep 2005 - 19 June 2006
Jupiter trine Mercury, 8 Dec 2005 - 13 Aug 2006
This report is a short edition of the AstroText Forecast. It is meant as a sample and advertisement for the full version of the AstroText Forecast which can be ordered from Astrodienst as a bound report of about 20 - 30 pages.
In the short edition, only a few, but nevertheless important transits over your natal chart are considered. It is likely however that some important transits of this six month period have been omitted in this abbreviated report.
If you are interested in the full pattern of relevant themes, please order the full version of this report. Your best choice of report will be Liz Greene's Yearly Horoscope Analysis or Robert Hand's Transits of the Year. These reports will select the really relevant themes of a 12-month period for you, and deal with them in depth and style.
The report was generated for 6 months starting from October 2005 with the following birth data: female, born on 25 March 1981 at 11:25 pm in Modesto, California.
Your sun sign is Aries. This is the sign in which the Sun is in your birth chart. Your Ascendant is in Sagittarius, and your Moon is also in Sagittarius.
Pluto sextile Pluto: Overall gentleness
End of December 2004 until mid October 2006: During this time the changes that take place in your life will be part of a creative evolution. You can see that you are moving toward your goals and that you do not need anything else in order to attain them. You will get there simply by allowing the current energies to play themselves out.
At the same time this influence will create additional opportunities for growth that you may or may not choose to take advantage of. This is a period of stability within change.
Quite likely your concerns will become deeper as you become interested in the more profound aspects of your life. You may wish to understand more about your internal psychological workings, and this is a good time to find out without fearing great upsets. The overall gentleness of this influence allows you to discover many things that could be the source of anguish at other times. On another level, this influence will also give you greater concern about the universe as a whole and where you are in relationship to it.
You will probably find that your views about daily life are stabilizing and maturing. Now that the period of rapid change is past, you are arriving at a way of dealing with the world that will not change much more except, hopefully, when future experience invalidates your present views. In other words, this influence doesn't represent settling into rigidity, but stability.
Uranus square Ascendant: Sudden separations
End of February 2005 until end of January 2006: This influence is likely to have a very disruptive effect on your relationships. Influences may enter your life, either through your home or your profession, that will challenge the foundations upon which your life is built. This challenge will be reflected in surprising encounters with others that upset your way of living or in sudden separations from persons who you thought would remain in your life for some time. Or it may be that you yourself are the catalyst of all these changes as you seek to become free of circumstances that have become oppressive.
During this period it is quite likely that you will do things and go places you never would have thought of in the past. The old patterns of your life simply can no longer encompass what your life is becoming now.
From all of the above it should be obvious that this is not an "evil" influence, although anyone who is wedded to the status quo in life or to their own past will find this period difficult to contend with. Old patterns that have acquired a stranglehold over your life will break up. You may not have been aware of these patterns, because many people find their "strangleholds" quite comfortable, at least until much later on.
The people who enter your life at this time may be quite different from anyone you have known before. Some of these relationships may be quite brief. You may encounter someone for a specific purpose, which you may not be aware of at the time, and once that purpose is accomplished, the relationship ends.
If a new love interest enters your life at this point, it is likely to be exciting, free and totally unpredictable. Do not make a permanent commitment to it until well after the end of this period, for such a relationship is likely to be very unstable and brief.
Uranus conjunction Mercury: Thinking things through
Beginning of April 2005 until mid December 2006: This is a very positive influence, a time when your mind will be stimulated as never before. New ideas, new techniques and new approaches to life will continually come to you. Radical ideas that you would never have entertained before seem perfectly all right now, and you are able to use them positively.
Communication will take on a more important role in your life at this time. You need to share with everyone the new insights that are coming into your life. Consequently you are likely to become a proselytizer for new ideas, trying to break others out of their rigid patterns of thinking. Astrology and the occult in general will attract you now, if they haven't in the past. You will also be interested in scientific and technological disciplines. This is an excellent time to begin studying science and mathematics.
However, if you want to take advantage of these opportunities, you must be quite flexible in your own thinking. If your thinking is very rigid, this will be an extremely upsetting period in which your ideas are challenged and found wanting. Under these circumstances you may become more tense, nervous and threatened. Even if you go along with the insights that this influence can bring, it may be upsetting, because the pace is too fast to keep up. Nervous ailments and anxieties can be a part of this period if the pace becomes too hectic.
A related problem now is the tendency to scatter your thoughts so that you don't think things through very carefully. There is the danger of making decisions impulsively without adequate forethought. In general, this is not a good time to make decisions, but rather a time to learn. Make sure you are in a position where you are free to change your mind, for you may do it frequently. If you try to make a permanent commitment to some new course of action, you are likely to embarrass yourself by seeming inconsistent. The problem is really that you are so constantly exposed to new data that your conclusions have to change as your understanding changes.
Saturn trine Moon: Mutual reinforcement
Beginning of September 2005 until mid June 2006: This influence indicates a time of equilibrium in your life, when the demands of the world are in balance with your emotional needs. Emotional maturity and past experiences have prepared you for this, and now you can put your understanding to work to make your life run more smoothly. Tensions that in the past have seemed to pull you in opposite directions are now working in balance and harmony.
At this time your emotional attitude is sober. Your mental state is relatively quiet, and you can see objectively what is true for you, what your needs are and how much you can give and get from others. Your domestic life and your work reinforce each other, and you are able to attend to both without sacrificing either.
Older people, especially women, may give you great insight and understanding. Your own emotional attitudes are "older" at this time. You take advantage of other people's insights of age.
Saturn trine Ascendant: Gaining experience
Beginning of September 2005 until mid June 2006: During this period of time you will establish yourself with respect to the rest of the world. People will come to know who you are and what you are doing. At the same time this influence indicates that you have reached a point of equilibrium at which your actions and behavior toward others are reliable and consistent. You will not feel like surprising people with sudden or unpredictable actions, nor will you want others to surprise you. Your whole objective is to reach the point where all your affairs are running smoothly and on schedule. Your approach is disciplined, well ordered and mature.
About the only problem with this influence is that you find it difficult to make changes conservatively. And if that response is inappropriate to the situation, you will have difficulty. You are not very flexible, but that is not usually a great problem.
At this time in your life, you are very concerned with gaining experience, particularly in your profession. You are likely to be ambitious and will work hard to get ahead and improve yourself. You will seek out people who can help you, and probably you will make very sure that you want to be fair and just, you don't want to be in debt to anyone. This is a time when self-sufficiency is very important to you.
This is reflected in your relationships also. You are somewhat more reserved than usual and cautious about forming new relationships. Usually this is to the good, although if you are too cautious you may overlook persons who could assist you. Older, more experienced people attract you especially, because you know you can learn from them. A person who will play a very important role as your teacher may come into your life at this time. But don't expect him or her to necessarily conform to your preconceived image of a teacher. He or she may come from any area of your life, and you may not recognize what has happened until later.
Jupiter trine Mercury: Intelligent plans
Beginning of December 2005 until mid August 2006: This is not a time when you should wait for things to come to you. But you can do quite well with it if you communicate with people, look for opportunities, especially in business, and look for good items to buy or sell. This influence confers the ability to see events clearly and to make plans intelligently, which will serve you well in any of these matters.
You are able to put yourself across with confidence and warmth, which will make other people believe you. They will also respect your sincerity and the clarity with which you communicate your ideas. Even if you tell someone something he or she doesn't want to hear, you can do it so that the other person will feel good about you for saying it.
This is an excellent time to take up the study of a new subject, and the more abstract the better. But you also have the ability now to translate abstract ideas into practical reality, which can be very useful in organizing and planning your activities in any sphere of life.
On the psychological level you can expect a period of optimism and positive thinking, fortunately based on reality. You have big ideas, but you have the basic sense to understand what can and cannot be done. This contributes greatly to your effectiveness at this time.
AstroText Forecast - Short Edition October 2005 to March 2006
for (female)
born on 25 March 1981
local time
11:25 pm
in CA (US)
U.T.
07+25
121w00, 37n38
sid. time
11:35:37
Planetary positions
planet
sign
degree
house
motion
Sun
Aries
05°33'00
04
direct
Moon
Sagittarius
07°42'51
12/1
direct
Mercury
Pisces
10°00'17
03
direct
Venus
Aries
02°28'17
04
direct
Mars
Aries
07°08'03
04
direct
Jupiter
Libra
05°28'45
10
retrograde
Saturn
Libra
06°30'18
10
retrograde
Uranus
Scorpio
29°54'52
12
retrograde
Neptune
Sagittarius
24°51'28
01
stationary (R)
Pluto
Libra
23°27'12
11
retrograde
True Node
Leo
09°01'30
08
retrograde
House positions (Placidus)
Ascendant
Sagittarius
07°52'59
2nd House
Capricorn
10°14'32
3rd House
Aquarius
17°18'00
Imum Coeli
Pisces
23°21'46
5th House
Aries
23°17'38
6th House
Taurus
17°17'06
Descendant
Gemini
07°52'59
8th House
Cancer
10°14'32
9th House
Leo
17°18'00
Medium Coeli
Virgo
23°21'46
11th House
Libra
23°17'38
12th House
Scorpio
17°17'06
Transits
Pluto sextile Pluto, 25 Dec 2004 - 13 Oct 2006
Uranus square Ascendant, 28 Feb 2005 - 27 Jan 2006
Uranus conjunction Mercury, 8 April 2005 - 12 Dec 2006
Saturn trine Moon, 9 Sep 2005 - 18 June 2006
Saturn trine Ascendant, 10 Sep 2005 - 19 June 2006
Jupiter trine Mercury, 8 Dec 2005 - 13 Aug 2006
My profile....know anything about MBTI?
Your #1 Match: INFP |
| The Idealist You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world.Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships.It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close.But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop. You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist. |
Your #2 Match: INFJ |
| The Protector You live your life with integrity, originality, vision, and creativity.Independent and stubborn, you rarely stray from your vision - no matter what it is.You are an excellent listener, with almost infinite patience.You have complex, deep feelings, and you take great care to express them. You would make a great photographer, alternative medicine guru, or teacher. |
Your #3 Match: INTP |
| The Thinker You are analytical and logical - and on a quest to learn everything you can.Smart and complex, you always love a new intellectual challenge.Your biggest pet peeve is people who slow you down with trivial chit chat.A quiet maverick, you tend to ignore rules and authority whenever you feel like it. You would make an excellent mathematician, programmer, or professor. |
Your #4 Match: ENFP |
| The Inspirer You love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends.You are also unconventional, irreverant, and unimpressed by authority and rules.Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives.You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're qutie the storyteller! You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist. |
Your #5 Match: INTJ |
| The Scientist You have a head for ideas - and you are good at improving systems.Logical and strategic, you prefer for everything in your life to be organized.You tend to be a bit skeptical. You're both critical of yourself and of others.Independent and stubborn, you tend to only befriend those who are a lot like you. You would make an excellent scientist, engineer, or programmer. |
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Literary Tears
He thinks he's got me figured out and I won't hear from him again! It's for the best, but, it certainly doesn't feel that way. I suppose that this will actually help in my getting over him. Without the phone calls or any contact, I'll be forced to deal with the loss. I certainly have no justifiable reason to contact him, so, I will not do so. I only wish that it didn't hurt so much. I wish that I could just turn my emotions off and not feel the way that I do. I wish that I could also be completely honest with myself and the people that are now trying to get to know me.
I don't want to be rude, but, I'm not interested in the least. I can't see myself with a single one of them. Granted, most of them have fallen off to the wayside since my return from Los Angeles and not calling anyone to initiate contact. One, however, says things that make me feel slightly defensive, as if I need to make a decision right now.
I hate feeling pressured and I will have to be quite frank. I told him the last time that we talked that I am feeling very down as I'm trying to get over someone....what more should I have said? I think that people see an opportunity when they feel that you are vulnerable and seek to try and get in where they can.
I only wish that I could find some way to change how I feel about him instantaneously that would last. Why can't I be happy that he's out of my life? Apparently he's not agonizing over the situation.
My friend tried to tell me last night that everything happens for a reason and blah blah blah. I don't buy it. Sometimes terrible things happen to good people and vice versa simply because that's life. Time and unforseen occurrence befall us all. There are some things for which we cannot prepare. Things will not always go the way that we want them. If they were to do so, how many wars do you think we'd have? How many people would drop dead out of the blue? Or be tortured? Or go broke? How many of us would be left on this planet if things always happened as we'd like.
I think that he is trying to get at the fact that there is some sort of connection between us that should be explored. He lives over four hundred miles away in Los Angeles. I cannot have a romantic relationship with someone who lives that far away. I need so much more from any adult relationship that I have than an instant message can give me. *sigh*
Besides, I hardly know him. While he offers a lot of spirtitual advice and insight into my personality and even that of his own, I cannot say that I feel for him what I feel for this whirlwind of a man that I was involved with.
I feel hopeless and sad that I will never meet anyone who makes me feel so intensely who will not hurt me again. I feel sad that I've lost someone that I felt close to. I feel lost.
I don't want to be rude, but, I'm not interested in the least. I can't see myself with a single one of them. Granted, most of them have fallen off to the wayside since my return from Los Angeles and not calling anyone to initiate contact. One, however, says things that make me feel slightly defensive, as if I need to make a decision right now.
I hate feeling pressured and I will have to be quite frank. I told him the last time that we talked that I am feeling very down as I'm trying to get over someone....what more should I have said? I think that people see an opportunity when they feel that you are vulnerable and seek to try and get in where they can.
I only wish that I could find some way to change how I feel about him instantaneously that would last. Why can't I be happy that he's out of my life? Apparently he's not agonizing over the situation.
My friend tried to tell me last night that everything happens for a reason and blah blah blah. I don't buy it. Sometimes terrible things happen to good people and vice versa simply because that's life. Time and unforseen occurrence befall us all. There are some things for which we cannot prepare. Things will not always go the way that we want them. If they were to do so, how many wars do you think we'd have? How many people would drop dead out of the blue? Or be tortured? Or go broke? How many of us would be left on this planet if things always happened as we'd like.
I think that he is trying to get at the fact that there is some sort of connection between us that should be explored. He lives over four hundred miles away in Los Angeles. I cannot have a romantic relationship with someone who lives that far away. I need so much more from any adult relationship that I have than an instant message can give me. *sigh*
Besides, I hardly know him. While he offers a lot of spirtitual advice and insight into my personality and even that of his own, I cannot say that I feel for him what I feel for this whirlwind of a man that I was involved with.
I feel hopeless and sad that I will never meet anyone who makes me feel so intensely who will not hurt me again. I feel sad that I've lost someone that I felt close to. I feel lost.
Monday, October 10, 2005
I said "No"
I turned down sex with someone that I've wanted for five or six years. It doesn't sound all that hard, but it was. I had to make a conscious choice to not allow myself to use him to put space between me and the last guy that I was with. As I explained to him, if I don't want men to use me for sex, I have to stop giving in to casual sex. I told him that he knew that I was vulnerable and that he was behaving badly by trying to get me into the sack at a time like this. He said that he understood and that he agreed that we shouldn't have sex. I don't know how reformed he is, but he certainly listened to my speech quite patiently! Lol.
I'm sure that I will feel bad about it later, but I feel that I really deserve better than that. A warm embrace for a few minutes while I wish that it were someone else holding me is not my idea of a passionate experience. I did do the right thing! I did!
I'm sure that I will feel bad about it later, but I feel that I really deserve better than that. A warm embrace for a few minutes while I wish that it were someone else holding me is not my idea of a passionate experience. I did do the right thing! I did!
Sunday, October 09, 2005
Emotional Plastic Surgery
I was watching tv and saw a show on plastic surgery. The patients wanted surgery on themselves in order to look more like they felt on the inside. They wanted to be more beautiful, more feminine...different from how they actually were. The interesting thing about it, is that typically plastic surgery is a good thing for people when done in moderation. It helps them to feel more confident about themselves.
I wish that there were some sort of emotional plastic surgery procedure available. If there were, I'd take all of the sadness and self-doubt off and replace it with a permanent happy exterior. I'd have my feelings of inadequacy and inferiority replaced with confidence and have a nice pert superiority complex applied. Not a big, bold one, just one that's cute and perky that people seem to like.
I'd streak my personality with highlights just like hair. I'd be charismatic and enthusiastic. I'd enhance my funny side, just like breasts, maybe I'd go "DD"! After all, who can ignore that? If I could do these things, maybe I'd be in a better position to handle the dating game....maybe I'd actually find someone who could appreciate who I am...and love that person.
At the very least, maybe I could be that someone.
He called me every night for a week. I think he was doing it to disprove my point that he used to call me every night and had ceased. I also think that it's been his intention to keep the lines of communication open so that I'd be inclined to get together with him again. I was in doubt as to whether or not I'd be willing to do it. I wasn't certain if I could handle it emotionally and still question whether or not agreeing to see him had been a wise decision.
The first thing that he asked me to do was to give him a hug. The hug lasted for easily five minutes. It ended with us kissing. I was weak...but I thought that I could handle it. We sat and talked for a while and he mentioned that he was sure that there would be many men that I would be able to choose from. Again, only emphasizing to me that he was not an option. I felt a part of me harden as I attempted to steel myself against the rush of emotions that threatened to take hold of me.
I listened to him talk about how worried about his friend who had a tumor removed this week. He talked about counting ones blessings and all of that. We discussed spirituality and things of that nature. I massaged his neck and he kissed me between my breasts through the t-shirt that I wore. He asked if I were to be walking down the street with my husband and I saw him if I'd say hello and I told him that I wouldn't. The sort of man that I want to marry would be offended that I'd greet someone who I'd just had a sexual relationship with. It is disrespectful. He agreed that it was right and then tried to gauge if perhaps in a few years we both met up and I was widowed....I stopped entertaining it and told him that in that time he'd be too old for me to be interested in at all. Did I mention that he's 14 years my senior?
He would take these liberties because I would let him. Of this, we were both confident. It was truly a sweet torture. I could not delight in the knowledge that he desired me because I knew that even that had it's limits. He can't tell you anything about me. He has asked me the same things over and over because I am not important to him. How could I let him become important to me?
Why do I grieve the loss of this connection more than the loss of a five year relationship? Why does this hurt cut deeper? Perhaps with the LTR I knew for a long while before that it was over. I had the assurance that if I really wanted my ex back, I could have him. I was, after all, admittedly, the best gf he'd had. I'd certainly given more to him than any woman had in his past. Perhaps I felt such a keen sense of loss because I'd really pictured this as hhaving long term potential. This man was consistent with what I want in a man and the depth of passion that I felt...still feel for him, is unlike anything that I've experienced before.
All I know is that spending that time with him was heartbreaking. We went to dinner and I tried to behave normally but I felt a tinge of bitterness in the words that I said. He hinted that he could show me some things and I told him that he couldn't. He questioned whether he would never be able to and I told him that I have a friend who says that he never uses that word, and the reasoning but that I don't agree with that.
He finally took me back to my car. He asked me to return to the city with him and his house. I told him that he's got things to do out there. He told me "so". I told him that it wasn't a good idea and what would I be getting out of it? He laughed and got out of the car and then swept me into his arms and began massaging my shoulders and back. He melted my defenses quite a bit...that has always been one of his powers over me. He told me to kiss him and I did. It went on from there and he wanted me to touch him, but I wouldn't and we eventually got to my car and he told me goodnight.
I feel terrible for doing what I did and even worse for not seeking an escape in his arms. I feel so damned depressed now. I know that I did the right thing, but I question whether or not I will be able to experience the things with anyone else that I felt with him.
It wasn't just the passion, although he's got everyone beat in that are. Thinking of him can cause my entire body to flush and make me feel as if I'm having a hot flash. It's the feeling of being at peace because I'm in his presence. I could relax with him and feel safe and special and....*sigh*
Sometimes I feel as if every bad thing that happens is payment for something terrible that I must have done. I tried to do things the right way when I got involved with this guy and still, things went to hell. I feel as if I should never date again.
I wish that there were some sort of emotional plastic surgery procedure available. If there were, I'd take all of the sadness and self-doubt off and replace it with a permanent happy exterior. I'd have my feelings of inadequacy and inferiority replaced with confidence and have a nice pert superiority complex applied. Not a big, bold one, just one that's cute and perky that people seem to like.
I'd streak my personality with highlights just like hair. I'd be charismatic and enthusiastic. I'd enhance my funny side, just like breasts, maybe I'd go "DD"! After all, who can ignore that? If I could do these things, maybe I'd be in a better position to handle the dating game....maybe I'd actually find someone who could appreciate who I am...and love that person.
At the very least, maybe I could be that someone.
He called me every night for a week. I think he was doing it to disprove my point that he used to call me every night and had ceased. I also think that it's been his intention to keep the lines of communication open so that I'd be inclined to get together with him again. I was in doubt as to whether or not I'd be willing to do it. I wasn't certain if I could handle it emotionally and still question whether or not agreeing to see him had been a wise decision.
The first thing that he asked me to do was to give him a hug. The hug lasted for easily five minutes. It ended with us kissing. I was weak...but I thought that I could handle it. We sat and talked for a while and he mentioned that he was sure that there would be many men that I would be able to choose from. Again, only emphasizing to me that he was not an option. I felt a part of me harden as I attempted to steel myself against the rush of emotions that threatened to take hold of me.
I listened to him talk about how worried about his friend who had a tumor removed this week. He talked about counting ones blessings and all of that. We discussed spirituality and things of that nature. I massaged his neck and he kissed me between my breasts through the t-shirt that I wore. He asked if I were to be walking down the street with my husband and I saw him if I'd say hello and I told him that I wouldn't. The sort of man that I want to marry would be offended that I'd greet someone who I'd just had a sexual relationship with. It is disrespectful. He agreed that it was right and then tried to gauge if perhaps in a few years we both met up and I was widowed....I stopped entertaining it and told him that in that time he'd be too old for me to be interested in at all. Did I mention that he's 14 years my senior?
He would take these liberties because I would let him. Of this, we were both confident. It was truly a sweet torture. I could not delight in the knowledge that he desired me because I knew that even that had it's limits. He can't tell you anything about me. He has asked me the same things over and over because I am not important to him. How could I let him become important to me?
Why do I grieve the loss of this connection more than the loss of a five year relationship? Why does this hurt cut deeper? Perhaps with the LTR I knew for a long while before that it was over. I had the assurance that if I really wanted my ex back, I could have him. I was, after all, admittedly, the best gf he'd had. I'd certainly given more to him than any woman had in his past. Perhaps I felt such a keen sense of loss because I'd really pictured this as hhaving long term potential. This man was consistent with what I want in a man and the depth of passion that I felt...still feel for him, is unlike anything that I've experienced before.
All I know is that spending that time with him was heartbreaking. We went to dinner and I tried to behave normally but I felt a tinge of bitterness in the words that I said. He hinted that he could show me some things and I told him that he couldn't. He questioned whether he would never be able to and I told him that I have a friend who says that he never uses that word, and the reasoning but that I don't agree with that.
He finally took me back to my car. He asked me to return to the city with him and his house. I told him that he's got things to do out there. He told me "so". I told him that it wasn't a good idea and what would I be getting out of it? He laughed and got out of the car and then swept me into his arms and began massaging my shoulders and back. He melted my defenses quite a bit...that has always been one of his powers over me. He told me to kiss him and I did. It went on from there and he wanted me to touch him, but I wouldn't and we eventually got to my car and he told me goodnight.
I feel terrible for doing what I did and even worse for not seeking an escape in his arms. I feel so damned depressed now. I know that I did the right thing, but I question whether or not I will be able to experience the things with anyone else that I felt with him.
It wasn't just the passion, although he's got everyone beat in that are. Thinking of him can cause my entire body to flush and make me feel as if I'm having a hot flash. It's the feeling of being at peace because I'm in his presence. I could relax with him and feel safe and special and....*sigh*
Sometimes I feel as if every bad thing that happens is payment for something terrible that I must have done. I tried to do things the right way when I got involved with this guy and still, things went to hell. I feel as if I should never date again.
My week
The last week has been pretty hectic. I went on a trip to Los Angeles with my bestfriend on Friday. We had a pretty good time. I met a guy that I've chatted with on the phone and online, an accountant. The e-mails that we exchanged in our first days of getting acquainted were absolutely stimulating! He seemed interesting and intelligent.
While I walked away from the experience still thinking that he was intelligent, I found him to be terribly boring in person. Perhaps he was a little nervous, I'm not sure, but the first thing that he said to me when I opened the door was "You look far better than your pictures! Not to say that your pictures aren't nice, but, you are stunning!" Talk about a compliment!
He told me the same thing a couple days later when he took me to lunch.
We went out the first night with him taking us to Hollywood. We walked around this huge mall that's been built since the last time that we went to L.A. It was sort of late and none of the shops were open. In addition to that, the many restaurants were closed. We wound up having dinner at a "Johnny Rockets" which wasn't great.
The next night, my gf and I went to a dance club that we found in the L.A. Weekly. We'd had a late start on preparing to go out dancing so we chose the only place listed as closing at four in the morning. The place was in a bad area of town and we were nervous enough that we didn't take our purses inside.
The place was similar to something you'd see on tv....just wild! It turns out that it was either a gay club or at least the gay night. There were so many hot looking men and women in there and I kid you not, not a single straight couple was to be found! In addition to that, there were a few stages with exotic dancers in bikinis doing all sorts of moves that I'd only seen done in pornos or while alone with someone! It was hilarious! We'd come there with the desire to dance with hot and sexy men and we wound up spending the night dancing with each other.
Sunday night we finally got some satisfaction out of our clubbing experiences. We went to a reggae club on Constellation and saw Lady Saw. I suppose that she's the self described Queen of Dancehall.
She started her set talking about her "pussy." Yes...she actually used that word...and proceeded to sing song after song about sex and men and the like. There were also some other shows..like people dancing onstage and the audience getting involved. It was cool. I danced all night with men so I was happy.
We returned home on Tuesday morning and I crawled into bed at about three AM. Sadly enough, I had to start my new job that morning and arrive at eight which meant I got up at six!
The new job is working at a company as an assistant in the human resources department. It seems pretty interesting. I'm a curious person by nature so it's very fascinating to find out about the laws.
While I walked away from the experience still thinking that he was intelligent, I found him to be terribly boring in person. Perhaps he was a little nervous, I'm not sure, but the first thing that he said to me when I opened the door was "You look far better than your pictures! Not to say that your pictures aren't nice, but, you are stunning!" Talk about a compliment!
He told me the same thing a couple days later when he took me to lunch.
We went out the first night with him taking us to Hollywood. We walked around this huge mall that's been built since the last time that we went to L.A. It was sort of late and none of the shops were open. In addition to that, the many restaurants were closed. We wound up having dinner at a "Johnny Rockets" which wasn't great.
The next night, my gf and I went to a dance club that we found in the L.A. Weekly. We'd had a late start on preparing to go out dancing so we chose the only place listed as closing at four in the morning. The place was in a bad area of town and we were nervous enough that we didn't take our purses inside.
The place was similar to something you'd see on tv....just wild! It turns out that it was either a gay club or at least the gay night. There were so many hot looking men and women in there and I kid you not, not a single straight couple was to be found! In addition to that, there were a few stages with exotic dancers in bikinis doing all sorts of moves that I'd only seen done in pornos or while alone with someone! It was hilarious! We'd come there with the desire to dance with hot and sexy men and we wound up spending the night dancing with each other.
Sunday night we finally got some satisfaction out of our clubbing experiences. We went to a reggae club on Constellation and saw Lady Saw. I suppose that she's the self described Queen of Dancehall.
She started her set talking about her "pussy." Yes...she actually used that word...and proceeded to sing song after song about sex and men and the like. There were also some other shows..like people dancing onstage and the audience getting involved. It was cool. I danced all night with men so I was happy.
We returned home on Tuesday morning and I crawled into bed at about three AM. Sadly enough, I had to start my new job that morning and arrive at eight which meant I got up at six!
The new job is working at a company as an assistant in the human resources department. It seems pretty interesting. I'm a curious person by nature so it's very fascinating to find out about the laws.
Thursday, October 06, 2005
Phone calls...
I spent last Friday through Tuesday morning in Los Angeles. It was truly a peaceful experience in some ways. My cell phone didn't work out there, so I couldn't receive phone calls. He called me every single day. I spoke with him Friday night and entertained the idea of seeing him once I returned, but I haven't. We've spoken each evening this week and finally got into it again when I told him that friends don't f*ck each other. I meant it both figuratively and literally! I don't know if he picked up on the irony of it.
It merely goes to show what a self-serving ass he really is. When I liked him and didn't know about his other women, he hardly ever called me. Now he calls me daily to try and persuade me to come and sleep with him again. It's really disappointing. I think that the more that I talk with him, the easier it's becoming to not feel the same way about him. I don't hate him or even dislike him---yet.
If, however, he implies again that my maturity is in question because I won't agree to casual sexm, that might actually change....
It merely goes to show what a self-serving ass he really is. When I liked him and didn't know about his other women, he hardly ever called me. Now he calls me daily to try and persuade me to come and sleep with him again. It's really disappointing. I think that the more that I talk with him, the easier it's becoming to not feel the same way about him. I don't hate him or even dislike him---yet.
If, however, he implies again that my maturity is in question because I won't agree to casual sexm, that might actually change....
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