All By Myself.....

He called last night and eventually I was compelled to tell him quite frankly that I did not want to sleep with him. The problem that I have is that he believes that I am sleeping with someone else and I did not want to give him that impression.

I wound up calling him twice and he didn't answer my calls. I sent two text messages that he will not respond to.

I know that I am better off without him, but, for now, I feel bad and I feel sad as if I've done something wrong. The thing about it is that it really does not matter. He made it clear that he thinks of me and wants sex and he also asked for me to get him gifts and provide him with something to eat. Not once did he tell me what he would do for me.

I AM better off without him....

*sigh* if only I actually felt that way.....

On a brighter note, I'm going to shop tomorrow and will probably drive to Stockton to see the comedy show. I am sure that I will have a good time.

It has been challenging to do without having someone, but, not impossible. I am grateful that the sun is shining brightly today and that I have been able to see my dad.

I am truly fortunate :)

BTW...I sent messages out to everyone....including Ron

We shall see if he will bother to respond

The old one called too

Last night when I was at the comedy show. I missed the call and he left no message.

His birthday is early next month. What is it that could have compelled him to call me with his BS?

I wonder what it is that he thinks about when he finally decides to call. *sigh*

I did not call him back, of course.

I DID speak with Damien the other day. He told me that he hasn't seen my face in a while and he would like to see me. He wanted to know how everything has been and he told me that he misses me. Twice he mentioned how he wished that he could show me just how much he has missed me..but, that is not allowed. I merely laughed him off.

So he is testing to see how serious I am about cutting off the sex....*why can't they ever be original?*

It seems to me that everyone I know, with the exception of Paula...ok, maybe all of the guys that I know, are getting involved in relationships.

Here I am...in the same place, but, at least the rest of my life is going relatively well with regard to my trying to better myself.

I guess that I should feel grateful that at least I'm not involved with some loser trying to bring me down....

The Phone Rang Yesterday....

and it was him.

He called....this is familiar. The other....older one did this as well.

He calls after a few weeks of not hearing from him. He has given me sufficient time to agonize over the loss of contact with him and to also come to my senses. After all, he hadn't done anything, right? I was feeling overwrought when I made the decision to cut him out of my bed, if not my life. Perhaps this time apart had allowed me to see reason. :)

At least...that's what HE thinks.

The message on my cell indicates that I've recently replaced my phone and have no one's phone number so please leave a message with both your area code and phone number.

He left a message calling me "Sweetie"...typically I've been "Sexy"....I guess it's "Sweetie" when he's trying to grace me with his presence after pulling a disappearing act. Anyway, so, he tells "Sweetie" who it is that is calling and that he wants to check on her to make sure everything's been ok. And if it hasn't?

So he gives his number twice and hangs up.

That was yesterday afternoon.

I have no returned the call. I am not sure what I could say to him but I know that I am not ready to say anything in particular, so, I should call, if I call, when I have my thoughts clear. I don't know that there is anything else worth saying.

He made it clear, by his silence for the last three weeks, that he did not want my friendship after I told him that I could not sleep with him anymore.

What more is there to say other than....

Soul sigh

It never ceases to amaze me how easily men move on and as a woman, I feel like I am on hold. I want to call him and there is nothing to say. You know, I'm certain that he does not agonize over such things, but, I am doing that. It is very self destructive and it makes me feel sad.

Bored

It's Sunday afternoon. Slightly overcast outside and extremely boring inside. I wonder what I can do to make myself feel alive when I am in this house. Is it the junk? Does that keep me from feeling as if I'm out of touch with reality when I'm surrounded by these four walls? Would the solution be getting rid of the imprisonment that my clutter yields?

Why Did He Call? Was It Really Him?

I had to replace my phone the following day. The good news is that I did not have to pay for it. The bad news is that my phone book was not transferred due to some sort of damage to it so.....I wound up with a message on my phone's voicemail stating that my phone book is gone and I have to have people leave a message if they want me to reach them.

It's worked out well. They are all out of my phone. I have only replaced Sir William and Bright's cousin. He (the cousin) called today, but, didn't say anything. It's my guess that someone was on his phone and curious about whose number was in there and they called. It doesn't seem to be his style to call and not say anything. That's sort of weird and I've been semi-obsessing over a desire to call and talk to him, but, there is truly nothing left to say.

I've talked to the guy that I met last weekend a few times this week and we've got plans to get together next weekend.

I've also agreed to the Sat. following Thanksgiving with another guy. We will see how that works out.

I have a text messaging buddy here in Sac that I might meet this week. I'm not sure that I am all that anxious to meet him as it's raining and my hair's a mess. *yawn*