Robert called me late Thursday evening. We talked for two and a half hours on a variety of subjects. During his call, Paul called and I didn't bother to click over. After all, I knew why he was calling and didn't want to get together that night. He didn't know that I had strep.
As for Robert, I was quite surprised to hear from him. While we parted on friendly terms, I never really believe a guy when he says that he wants to keep in touch. Perhaps because as much as I say I'd like to, I never do.
We discussed a variety of subjects, including war, education, history, parenting and personal accountability. He told me of some of his experiences in Iraq, but, nothing that was too intense. I've noticed that he has a habit of trying to shield people from that experience. I did find out that he'd nearly been killed over there and some of what went through his mind in those moments.
I don't know what is going on with him. I really like him, but, I'm not certain if this is another of those siuations that I seem to be receptive too. It's not been uncommon for me to be a true confidante to a couple of young men. I would typically get involved with them romantically, probably too soon and then a friendship would ensue after the sex had stopped. This isn't a bad thing, but after about the second or third time, it gets to be annoying. :) I am wondering if this is not perhaps what the fate of my relationship with Robert will be. Either way, I find it quite fascinating to get to know him better and will value his friendship.
On the other hand, I wouldn't be opposed to much more with him. He makes me laugh and smile. He's got such a strong set of morals and an old fashioned sense of duty to his family that is quite admirable.
How I wish I could figure this out.
Saturday, April 23, 2005
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Under my skin
I've got strep throat! :( I developed a bit of a sore throat last night while I was working. By eight or nine this morning, I had an ear ache to boot! I called my physician's office, ( did I mention that I have the sexiest Asian man for a doctor?), and tried to get a prescription called in for an ear infection. The receptionist told me that they'd want me to come in to be sure that that's what it was rather than something else. I went in and sure enough, it was strep! I've got body aches and chills. My throat is still sore but feeling somewhat better now that I'm taking the tylenol and antibiotics. Boy, what a day!
I spoke with P and she seems to be doing a little better. I got over to her house and watered her plants, fed her goldfish and gave her snake some water. That was a different experience, the whole snake thing. I think that he was angry with me for neglecting him for so long because he was out and watched me the entire time that I struggled to open his tank and give him his water.
As for Ms. P, she's linked back up with her not so great host in Oklahoma City and they've made a truce of sorts. He's admitted that he's not over his wife and that he selfishly used her to try and get over the fact that the wife has left him and probably won't be back. Hmm...she's got a new bf that she's making the children call, Daddy, you think she's coming back? I'm glad that he's been able to finally cut her some slack and be somewhat honest. I still think he's a major DICK for having done that to her, but, as the old saying goes, people only do to us what we allow them to do. The moral to this story, folks: Don't meet anyone from the net and agree to move to another location to be with them until you've known them for a reasonable amount of time. What is reasonable? I'd say, at least a year if it's long distance. Personally, I wouldn't move for anyone that I hadn't known for forever, but, that's just me.
I'm sleeping for a few hours at a time and then waking. It's really a little unnerving. I feel somewhat disjointed. I look forward to the time when I feel like myself again. If only I knew how long that would be....
My son's father came to pick up our child. It was ok seeing him. He told me that he loved me. I've found that no matter how hard I try, it's difficult to be close with him. He's never been one to make me feel special. Perhaps I've got a huge ego or something. I don't know. He just makes me feel so very ordinary and doesn't ever seem to understand my motives or way of thinking. I should just let him know how I feel but it seems to take such effort and everything with him is a battle. That can't be healthy.
I spoke with P and she seems to be doing a little better. I got over to her house and watered her plants, fed her goldfish and gave her snake some water. That was a different experience, the whole snake thing. I think that he was angry with me for neglecting him for so long because he was out and watched me the entire time that I struggled to open his tank and give him his water.
As for Ms. P, she's linked back up with her not so great host in Oklahoma City and they've made a truce of sorts. He's admitted that he's not over his wife and that he selfishly used her to try and get over the fact that the wife has left him and probably won't be back. Hmm...she's got a new bf that she's making the children call, Daddy, you think she's coming back? I'm glad that he's been able to finally cut her some slack and be somewhat honest. I still think he's a major DICK for having done that to her, but, as the old saying goes, people only do to us what we allow them to do. The moral to this story, folks: Don't meet anyone from the net and agree to move to another location to be with them until you've known them for a reasonable amount of time. What is reasonable? I'd say, at least a year if it's long distance. Personally, I wouldn't move for anyone that I hadn't known for forever, but, that's just me.
I'm sleeping for a few hours at a time and then waking. It's really a little unnerving. I feel somewhat disjointed. I look forward to the time when I feel like myself again. If only I knew how long that would be....
My son's father came to pick up our child. It was ok seeing him. He told me that he loved me. I've found that no matter how hard I try, it's difficult to be close with him. He's never been one to make me feel special. Perhaps I've got a huge ego or something. I don't know. He just makes me feel so very ordinary and doesn't ever seem to understand my motives or way of thinking. I should just let him know how I feel but it seems to take such effort and everything with him is a battle. That can't be healthy.
Monday, April 18, 2005
Losing
I spoke with Robert tonight on the computer. He told me how he really enjoyed talking with me the other night and all of this other positive stuff. He told me that I'm intelligent and respectable. I know..that might sound strange, but, considering some of the things that occurred, that's quite a compliment! Lol.
I could easily allow myself to become so deeply infatuated with him that I can't see straight. Hell, I already am to a degree. I wish that I could be held by him for forever and ever and ever.....(sigh)
The situation with P has gotten worse. The guy turned out to be a real loser and told her that he's not attracted to her because of her stomach! What an asshole! He has her come all the way to Oklahoma in order to drop that bomb on her!
I figured out what it is about Paul that makes everything seem so smooth. He's mentally stimulating, but I think that he must be an SJ. I don't feel as if he's got me caught up in him mentally. That's not to say that I won't give him a chance..but, I don't feel all of those overwhelming emotions because I'm not stimulated by him the way that I would if he were more abstract. I still like him a lot. He makes me feel a lot different than any man has before. It's a nice change.
I could easily allow myself to become so deeply infatuated with him that I can't see straight. Hell, I already am to a degree. I wish that I could be held by him for forever and ever and ever.....(sigh)
The situation with P has gotten worse. The guy turned out to be a real loser and told her that he's not attracted to her because of her stomach! What an asshole! He has her come all the way to Oklahoma in order to drop that bomb on her!
I figured out what it is about Paul that makes everything seem so smooth. He's mentally stimulating, but I think that he must be an SJ. I don't feel as if he's got me caught up in him mentally. That's not to say that I won't give him a chance..but, I don't feel all of those overwhelming emotions because I'm not stimulated by him the way that I would if he were more abstract. I still like him a lot. He makes me feel a lot different than any man has before. It's a nice change.
Sunday, April 17, 2005
Saturday night
Last night was spent with Paul. Actually, we didn't part ways until after five this morning. Until quite recently, I referred to him as "boring Paul". I felt that way primarily because we seem to not have common interests. He's very active and I'm not. He's relatively easy going and I'm not :). He's got a brilliant mind. He's got a BS in Mathematics and I've got the aptitude of a three year old when it comes to numbers.
I've spent time with him once before. It was quite relaxing. The evening was spent watching television, (my favorite thing to do these days) , and talking until four in the morning. We gave each other massages, (nothing sexual), and didn't even kiss. It was all great for me because I felt no pressure to be anyone other than myself and to enjoy the feeling of exchanging thoughts and ideas with someone else without artifice.
I could tell that he was attracted to me, thus I felt no compulsion to do anything with him. I know, it makes little sense, but, I felt that I'd won the battle. He's reasonably attractive, with that in mind, I knew that if the opportunity presented itself I wouldn't pass. However, I wasn't about to initiate any sort of intimacy.
Last night he kissed me. It was quite a surprise. I've been kissed before and it never quite affected me in the same way. I was pleasantly surprised to find that he's got quite a bit of passion. I never expected so much from a person who seems so even temepered as himself. Call me naive, and it wouldn't necessarily be that far off. I've had little experience with men and even less when it comes to normal and positive experiences. This was different from anything that I'd experienced before.
I wasn't knocked off my feet. Every thought didn't fly out of my mind. I did enjoy it immensely. I found myself wondering as I was locked in his surprisingly strong embrace whether or not this lack of overwhelming emotion was a sign of something so much better than anything I've experienced before.
He is a careful and precise person who believes in handling things in a logical manner. He respects me enough to not try and scew my brains out the first time that he sees me. I am attracted to his mind and the way that he thinks . He's reasonably attractive and I don't see happening with him what happened with Andy. He's got goals and has accomplished much for his age and I admire that. I don't know where my head is at but I'm happy when I'm with him. Not ecstatic...just happy. That's a good thing. I'm tired of the major ups and downs of the game of love...it's time for something simple and sweet.
I've spent time with him once before. It was quite relaxing. The evening was spent watching television, (my favorite thing to do these days) , and talking until four in the morning. We gave each other massages, (nothing sexual), and didn't even kiss. It was all great for me because I felt no pressure to be anyone other than myself and to enjoy the feeling of exchanging thoughts and ideas with someone else without artifice.
I could tell that he was attracted to me, thus I felt no compulsion to do anything with him. I know, it makes little sense, but, I felt that I'd won the battle. He's reasonably attractive, with that in mind, I knew that if the opportunity presented itself I wouldn't pass. However, I wasn't about to initiate any sort of intimacy.
Last night he kissed me. It was quite a surprise. I've been kissed before and it never quite affected me in the same way. I was pleasantly surprised to find that he's got quite a bit of passion. I never expected so much from a person who seems so even temepered as himself. Call me naive, and it wouldn't necessarily be that far off. I've had little experience with men and even less when it comes to normal and positive experiences. This was different from anything that I'd experienced before.
I wasn't knocked off my feet. Every thought didn't fly out of my mind. I did enjoy it immensely. I found myself wondering as I was locked in his surprisingly strong embrace whether or not this lack of overwhelming emotion was a sign of something so much better than anything I've experienced before.
He is a careful and precise person who believes in handling things in a logical manner. He respects me enough to not try and scew my brains out the first time that he sees me. I am attracted to his mind and the way that he thinks . He's reasonably attractive and I don't see happening with him what happened with Andy. He's got goals and has accomplished much for his age and I admire that. I don't know where my head is at but I'm happy when I'm with him. Not ecstatic...just happy. That's a good thing. I'm tired of the major ups and downs of the game of love...it's time for something simple and sweet.
Friday, April 15, 2005
Obsessing
Ok..so I'm going to obsess for probably the next few weeks. Robert was absolutely amazing! I wish that I could really get to know him better. I regret that we didn't have more time but I'm very glad that he's back here and safe again. If only if only if only...
Friday Nights Are Always Like This....
It's another Friday night spent cooped up in this house with too many children running around making noise in the background. I got asked out by Paul again tonight, but, I'm kinda sore and I've got my little boy with me this weekend. For that reason, hanging out with sweet, mild-mannered Paul, is not going to happen.
I'm kinda tired, in spite of that fact that I chilled with Robert last night. He's awesome. He was far cuter in person than even his pics indicated he would be. I really enjoyed the fact that he had some depth. Our conversation revealed an earnest, yet funny young man with so much drive and potential to be even greater than he is. It's too bad that I won't be seeing him again. I'm only glad that I got the opportunity to meet him and could kick my own ass for not doing it much sooner. He's definitely going places and I wouldn't mind riding the wave of him...er...with him. :)
I'm really wanting to clean this place up and get rid of a lot of things. If my best friend does move out of state, I want to get a webcam so that she can see me. I told her I'd get one because I NEVER take pics and if I didn't get one, she'd never see me again! :) As it stands, I've got tons of stuff all over the place and I feel like my whole life is out of control.
I want to get the business under way and successful enough that I can afford to move out. I feel that as a young woman in my mid-twenties, it's completely appropriate for me to separate from my family and get my own place. I deserve it, my son needs it and hell, how else am I supposed to be able to have a normal relationship with a guy?
I'm kinda tired, in spite of that fact that I chilled with Robert last night. He's awesome. He was far cuter in person than even his pics indicated he would be. I really enjoyed the fact that he had some depth. Our conversation revealed an earnest, yet funny young man with so much drive and potential to be even greater than he is. It's too bad that I won't be seeing him again. I'm only glad that I got the opportunity to meet him and could kick my own ass for not doing it much sooner. He's definitely going places and I wouldn't mind riding the wave of him...er...with him. :)
I'm really wanting to clean this place up and get rid of a lot of things. If my best friend does move out of state, I want to get a webcam so that she can see me. I told her I'd get one because I NEVER take pics and if I didn't get one, she'd never see me again! :) As it stands, I've got tons of stuff all over the place and I feel like my whole life is out of control.
I want to get the business under way and successful enough that I can afford to move out. I feel that as a young woman in my mid-twenties, it's completely appropriate for me to separate from my family and get my own place. I deserve it, my son needs it and hell, how else am I supposed to be able to have a normal relationship with a guy?
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