Chaos...my love

I've let my "love" life screw with my academic life. SO NOT ACCEPTABLE. Last week someone in my learning team busted me out in front of the entire class saying that I had not done my work and that she felt that I shouldn't get credit, etc.

I had done my work. The thing is, I had done the work right before coming to class so I did the assignment, but, put it into the wrong format.

I was able to somewhat redeem myself, but I've been up tonight working on an assignment that is due a week out from now rather than my personal assignment.

I have to get my ass in gear.

I don't know if I even mentioned it, but I wound up meeting up with a guy that I met in Old Sac during the month of May.

We'd met in January or February but had not made it a priority to get together as we seemed to play a lot of phone tag. I finally grew impatient with the waiting and demanded to know if he was married or involved with someone because it did not make sense that we had not got together.

He told me that he worked three jobs and was always busy, but that we should definitely meet up.

We did and he looked nothing like I remembered, (mind you, it was dark when we met) and it was a bit awkward because he kept staring at me. He seemed incredibly intense, but, I liked the fact that I felt nervous around him.

We agreed to move forward as we both were liking what we saw. Unfortunately, we did not get together for several more weeks after that initial "refresher" meeting.

When we did, we wound up going to a late night dinner at Denny's as nothing else was opened. We then spent a couple of hours talking and flirting before he took me to the other side.

*sigh* I slept with him twice that week, both times were for more than three hours. I was exhausted, but satiated for the first time in years and I was enjoying it.

I even brought him to my home to meet my family, (condition for him to stay the night here), only I didn't see or hear from him for several more days. When I did, I almost wished that I hadn't. He told me that he'd been robbed at gunpoint, etc....it wasn't good.

It turns out that my incredible lover is not only young, but he's also invovled in selling drugs and possibly gang violence. Shit! I've NEVER EVER dated a thug. I'm all about straight laced guys that are potentially on an upswing.

This guy is trouble. He asked if he could borrow $60 bucks to replace a battery in his car that was allegedly stolen. I agreed. Not only have I not got the cash back, but the other night he proposed that I rent a car for him so that he can get to work and "visit" me. Ummmm HELL NO!

I am so discouraged. I finally find someone that is sexually compatible if nothing else, and he's attempting to use me as his sugar mama.

On the other hand, there's the other guy that I met at New Year's that I've talked to for months. Went to visit him and wonder if he's got three freaking brain cells. Talking to him was painful. He is just not on my level. He only wants to literally get drunk and talk. Ick!

Some guy came out from Phx and we went to the Reggae club. It was cool. I danced with his cousin, saw Ron...told him off a little. Unfortunately, the guy wound up forcing himself on me. I felt like I had no choice as I was at his place in a strange city with no car. It wasn't good.

I'm moving. I've lived in Sac for 13 years now...no nearly 14. I put down money on a brand new home today.

This girl needs a change in a major way.....

I need to leave all men alone for now

I got together with D again on Thursday night for a few hours. I actually got home by four, I think. I wasn't completely exhausted on Friday as I got several hours of sleep compared to what he would usually give me.

I let him know that I'm not interested in a person who is doing things that he shouldn't be. That statement lead to a serious conversation with regard to what each of us is seeking. He says that he doesn't want love, but, rather someone who cares and is willing to offer emotional support.

I emphasized that I am not overly interested in being tied down to anyone, but, were I to commit, he would need to be walking the straight and narrow.

I then did something that I completely disagree with in hindsight; he had asked if I could help him out by allowing him to borrow $60 to get a battery for his car. I did.

I'm supposed to visit Bright next weekend. I'm already feeling as if I don't want to be bothered...

I don't even want to touch that one, but, suffice it to say that I don't need to give any man money and certainly not be out doing it at three in the morning.