As for...

Robert: Robert and I continue to talk every couple of weeks or so. He's still very sweet and entertaining but it's very hard to maintain a close relationship with someone so far away. I might go and visit him later this summer, but I'm still not certain if I really want to bother.

Paul: Paul and I have been together again in an intimate way. It was another all night session. I've concluded that he's not only an unskilled lover but, also very selfish. He's perhaps the very worst lay that I've ever been with and while I haven't been with many men...he's worst the guy that I wanted to forget I'd been with! He's also pretty boring so I'm not sure what to do with him.

This whole "dating" thing has never been my thing. In light of the recent follies, I'm beginning to believe that it might be worthwhile to just resign myself to being single for another four years or so until I finish my studies.

So he isn't great after all...big surprise, huh?

Over the last month or so, I drew even closer to the man that I discussed in my last post. It was wonderful. We talked daily and sent each other messages...it was all very nice. Finally, we began discussing my coming out to meet him. At first he was very much for it, as I began to make concrete arrangements, however, he began to pull back. I sent him a message online one day about needing to discuss dates and details and he never responded. I left him a message on his phone and he never responded. When he finally did want to discuss things, I told him flat out that he needed to let me know either way what it was he wanted to do. I told him that I have never done this sort of thing and that I'm not anxious to do so if he's uncertain in the least. It's not, after all, my desire to fly clear across the nation in order to meet someone that I'll only see once, in all likelihood. In addition to that, we've both got financial obligations, so it would be ridiculous to do this if there is even the slightest shadow of a doubt. I asked if he'd like a couple of weeks to think about when would be best for him and he said yes. I also told him that it's not a big deal if he decides that he doesn't want to do that, that it's not critical that we meet right now. He gave some lame story that I hardly listened to about how he would never dream of wasting my time and blah blah blah.

So much for meeting someone like myself!

I've started working on my BS at an adult education college. I've been terribly busy with that, but, it's going well. I'm feeling a lot better about myself in general and I've been having some interesting talks with my ex. I think that I'm finally ready to try and forgive myself for ever getting together with him and I just might be ready to stop blaming him for everything that ever went wrong in our relationship.