Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Monday, May 29, 2006
Damn, damn, damn!
So many things took place since last Sunday. Last Sunday I took Ron's call. I felt somewhat better because I told him some of the things that were on my mind, knowing that it would change nothing. I felt relieved to not have to carry those thoughts.
Monday I got a call from D_____. He told me that he was in town (he lives out in Oakland) and wanted to know if I was available to get together. I agreed to do so and we wound up meeting for a late supper. I wasn't hungry as I'd already eaten, but I wanted to spend a little time getting to know him.
We wound up going to a restaurant and from there, he drove us to a liquor store where he got Starburst (some of my favorite candy) . What I didn't know was that he'd also picked up condoms. After making out for several hours....I wound up succumbing to my exhaustion and I had sex with him.
I could have been tired, but, he was incredible! He lasted for hours and I was satisfied multiple times before I finally told him that I could take no more.
We parted ways at nearly five in the morning and I got two hours of sleep before I went to work and then school.
We played phone tag that evening and agreed to get together on Thursday night. It turned out even more intense than Friday as he had his way with me for over four hours (not including foreplay).
I got an hour of sleep prior to going to work on Friday morning.
I told him that if he wanted to spend time at my home he'd have to first meet the occupants of the house. He asked if he could come by on Friday afternoon, so, I said sure. He wound up meeting my family. It went ok. Mind you, he's the first person to meet my family outside of my ex of four years.
Saturday some guy Jason came in from Az. He used to live in Sf until about a month or two ago. He was coming out for the holiday weekend and to work the doors at a club where his friend Dj's. He invited me to come up and he'd get me in for free.
Paula didn't want to drive out there because she had to work on Sunday and she doesn't really get much play when we go there, so I wasn't going to go. Jason offered that I could ride with him out to the city and that he'd let me stay with him if I was comfortable with that. I agreed and went with him.
The club was cool. I danced with his cousin for the first few hours while he worked. I ran into Ron a couple of times there and finally when he offered to buy me a drink I went off with him and talked with him for a few minutes. He told me some BS about how I looked beautiful and was I ok because I looked tired. I went off. I told him that I didn't understand why he kept asking me how I was doing and that the thing that bothered me about it all was that he'd lied about wanting to be married by the end of the year and then he winds up screwing someone else. If that weren't enough, he never even bothered to apologize for hurting my feelings.
He apologized and I told him that I didn't believe him. He insisted that he was being truthful and that he hadn't been sleeping with anyone else other than the "roommate" incident, as he put it. I thanked him for his apology and told him that I had to go.
I left with Jason and his cousin and went back to his place. I fell asleep almost as soon as I hit the sheets. I woke up to him caressing my ass. I pretended to be asleep for about an hour of that and him fingering me. He finally began to go down on me and I couldn't pretend to be asleep anymore.
I wound up sleeping with him even though I didn't want to. He even apologized for pushing the issue after it was over.
We showered and got dressed and he drove me back home. He said he'd call and of course, he didn't. I feel as if he was a wasted fuck. It wasn't good and I didn't want to, but, I felt afraid of what would happen were I to resist. I was alone, in a strange city in a house with two men that I had met less than 24 hours before.
When I tried calling D, his voicemail message indicated that his phone had been lost and to call another number. I called the other number, got some other guy, left a message for him to call me when he could and I haven't heard from him. That was yesterday evening.
I feel tired and disillusioned by the week that I've had.
I am only documenting this stuff so that I can reflect on it all once the shock has worn off. It was a mistake to get involved with D so soon, definitely a mistake to trust and sleep with Jason.
The only good thing was that I saw Ron in person and told him how I felt, leaving little doubt that I was serious about being done with him and his lies.
Monday I got a call from D_____. He told me that he was in town (he lives out in Oakland) and wanted to know if I was available to get together. I agreed to do so and we wound up meeting for a late supper. I wasn't hungry as I'd already eaten, but I wanted to spend a little time getting to know him.
We wound up going to a restaurant and from there, he drove us to a liquor store where he got Starburst (some of my favorite candy) . What I didn't know was that he'd also picked up condoms. After making out for several hours....I wound up succumbing to my exhaustion and I had sex with him.
I could have been tired, but, he was incredible! He lasted for hours and I was satisfied multiple times before I finally told him that I could take no more.
We parted ways at nearly five in the morning and I got two hours of sleep before I went to work and then school.
We played phone tag that evening and agreed to get together on Thursday night. It turned out even more intense than Friday as he had his way with me for over four hours (not including foreplay).
I got an hour of sleep prior to going to work on Friday morning.
I told him that if he wanted to spend time at my home he'd have to first meet the occupants of the house. He asked if he could come by on Friday afternoon, so, I said sure. He wound up meeting my family. It went ok. Mind you, he's the first person to meet my family outside of my ex of four years.
Saturday some guy Jason came in from Az. He used to live in Sf until about a month or two ago. He was coming out for the holiday weekend and to work the doors at a club where his friend Dj's. He invited me to come up and he'd get me in for free.
Paula didn't want to drive out there because she had to work on Sunday and she doesn't really get much play when we go there, so I wasn't going to go. Jason offered that I could ride with him out to the city and that he'd let me stay with him if I was comfortable with that. I agreed and went with him.
The club was cool. I danced with his cousin for the first few hours while he worked. I ran into Ron a couple of times there and finally when he offered to buy me a drink I went off with him and talked with him for a few minutes. He told me some BS about how I looked beautiful and was I ok because I looked tired. I went off. I told him that I didn't understand why he kept asking me how I was doing and that the thing that bothered me about it all was that he'd lied about wanting to be married by the end of the year and then he winds up screwing someone else. If that weren't enough, he never even bothered to apologize for hurting my feelings.
He apologized and I told him that I didn't believe him. He insisted that he was being truthful and that he hadn't been sleeping with anyone else other than the "roommate" incident, as he put it. I thanked him for his apology and told him that I had to go.
I left with Jason and his cousin and went back to his place. I fell asleep almost as soon as I hit the sheets. I woke up to him caressing my ass. I pretended to be asleep for about an hour of that and him fingering me. He finally began to go down on me and I couldn't pretend to be asleep anymore.
I wound up sleeping with him even though I didn't want to. He even apologized for pushing the issue after it was over.
We showered and got dressed and he drove me back home. He said he'd call and of course, he didn't. I feel as if he was a wasted fuck. It wasn't good and I didn't want to, but, I felt afraid of what would happen were I to resist. I was alone, in a strange city in a house with two men that I had met less than 24 hours before.
When I tried calling D, his voicemail message indicated that his phone had been lost and to call another number. I called the other number, got some other guy, left a message for him to call me when he could and I haven't heard from him. That was yesterday evening.
I feel tired and disillusioned by the week that I've had.
I am only documenting this stuff so that I can reflect on it all once the shock has worn off. It was a mistake to get involved with D so soon, definitely a mistake to trust and sleep with Jason.
The only good thing was that I saw Ron in person and told him how I felt, leaving little doubt that I was serious about being done with him and his lies.
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
It doesn't get better...but the burning is decreasing
I got through Algebra 2 with a B-! I never thought that I'd live to see the day when I would celebrate anything less than an A, but that day arrived about a couple of weeks ago....
I'm tired all of the time and I feel stressed. I gave a guy the greenlight to resolve my sexual frustrations and he began doing things that indicated to me that he wasn't serious about moving forward (not following through when we were supposed to go out). Thankfully, I hadn't slept with him, but, it was a real downer. *Yawn*
It's tough to be in this situation right now. I have considered twice this week calling Ron, but, there is nothing to say. Although I would like nothing more than to see him and to spend time with him, it cannot be anything more than that. He is sleeping with another or other people in general. That is not acceptable to me.
Sometimes I feel so tired and lonely. I do not need a relationship right now...just some stress relief. Some time to decompress....time to get to bed
I'm tired all of the time and I feel stressed. I gave a guy the greenlight to resolve my sexual frustrations and he began doing things that indicated to me that he wasn't serious about moving forward (not following through when we were supposed to go out). Thankfully, I hadn't slept with him, but, it was a real downer. *Yawn*
It's tough to be in this situation right now. I have considered twice this week calling Ron, but, there is nothing to say. Although I would like nothing more than to see him and to spend time with him, it cannot be anything more than that. He is sleeping with another or other people in general. That is not acceptable to me.
Sometimes I feel so tired and lonely. I do not need a relationship right now...just some stress relief. Some time to decompress....time to get to bed
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