As one door closes, I feel the breeze from the open window....

I used one of those people finder services a couple of weeks ago to locate my biological father. They provided a phone number and an address, but, they could not guarantee 100% that it was him. I called the number and left a message on the answering machine (it was the default message). I said my name and gave my number and stated that I was trying to reach him. I said that if this was the wrong number to also please call back.

I have not heard anything and it has been about five hours. I am uncertain what to think or if I will hear anything back.

I feel tired and slightly depressed. I will be leaving for New Orleans on Monday morning and I feel stressed that I have a few small fires to put out prior to leaving my desk for a week....

Bright's cousin and I talked earlier in the week. I told him that I like him a lot and he went on to say that he hasn't been feeling much love lately and that he wants a "lady" in his life. He said that what we have is good but it's---open.

I told him that he told me that he did not want a relationship and he initially denied it and then told me that he was getting a call and could he call me back. Of course, he never did.

Almost immediately, I sent a thinking of you text to Ron and never got a response back.

When I called Bright's cousin the next day, we talked again for a little bit and then he pulled the same thing.

I called him yesterday and left a message and then I sent a text message last night. No response. I called this morning and got the voicemail and then the same thing the second time. I think that his phone was cut off later in the morning.

I don't know what to make of the situation but I am tired of being in this position with the men that I deal with. It makes me feel like I should not bother with anyone at all....

I am tired and full of nervous energy. In regard to the situation with my father, I have done what I can. Whether or not this is the correct information, I will have done what I could and I can try and lay this area of my life to rest.

Bright's cousin is full of shit. I think that I have done everything that I could to be honest about the way that I feel. I can do and say no more. I will not call him again and I have no intentions of speaking with him or seeing him again.

PQ spoke with Crazy. He was convinced that it was me talking to him in spite of the fact that she identified herself. He maintained that he would continue to call me regardless of the fact that I asked him to stop. He called several times before saying that he would not call again. Finally, he left a message saying to judge him based on his merit, not on what has happened in the past if I happen to see him applying for a job.

He then called me at four in the morning. I did not answer.

I am going to clear my call logs on Sunday night and I will not be calling any of them any more.

I got the job!

I got the job at the wireless company that I have been temping at for the last month and a half or so.

I interviewed with the Area Director on Wednesday and at the conclusion of my interview, she offered me the job! In addition to that, she offered me my goal salary for 2006-$40,000.00. I am ecstatic!

I will be going to New Orleans for business this month (9/25-9/28) and I am stoked!

While my "love life" has been on the fritz for at least the last year or two, I am working toward and meeting many of my professional and academic goals.

I suppose that I may never find anyone with whom I can relate and share a great passion. If that turns out to be the truth, I will have to accept it and try and see the silver linings for the gray skies in my mind. :)

My best friend and I have been talking for a couple of weeks now and it made me reflect the other day. We are both maturing in some ways and also healing. She has been so busy with the hair braiding that she has not got as much time to focus on the areas of her life that she cannot control, such as finding a suitable partner. I know that the desire to have someone who cares for her and she for them has not been diminished by her increased activities (she's back in school as well and three classes away from her AA degree!), but it has certainly helped her to feel better overall.

It pleases me that we can be busy with good work that is honorable and helps us to feel more whole.

So it shall be done....

He finally took my calls the Tuesday or Wednesday following our conversation, but, things were no longer the same. He claimed that he was not upset with me but I could feel the difference in our interactions. He was calculated now and aloof.

He claimed that he would try and get out here to see me but it has not happened. After that week, he has called a few times, but he no longer leaves a voicemail. I have sent him text messages and he no longer responds.

There is little reason to give it my attention any longer. The thing about it is that just about from the very beginning, I realized that he was trouble and that I should not deal with him. Once I'd sampled from the figurative Tree of Knowledge, however, I was unable to eat and be satisfied anyplace else.

So he has turned his attentions to other people and other things. It is for the best. I don't believe that I had the strength to walk away from him even though I knew that he was bad for me.

I can be grateful then, that he is doing this, because ultimately, he is not the one for me. If he were, he would not do the things that he has done because the thought of losing me would bother him enough for him to communicate with me and compell him to try and see me.