Yeah...I haven't heard from him since like the 6th or the 13th when he left a voicemail on my cell phone. He'd called at two in the morning so I didn't bother to answer. I finally broke down and returned his message a few days later, but I got the voicemail so I told him that I was returning his call and hoped that everything was going well.
It was apparent from my tone of voice that I was disappointed and/or angry.
I have, of course, heard nothing from him since then. *sigh*
Tonight I feel ok. It will, of course, change soon enough. I will be back feeling like shit and wondering why I can't be strong enough to completely shut myself off or to be even stronger and actually turn these people down at "Go".
I don't believe that I will ever find a guy that I can and will be happy with. Lesbianism isn't an option for me, thus, I'm going to have to make a concerted effort to focus on living in the moment and not notice them anymore.
Prior to becoming sexually active, I operated in a bubble of sorts. It was concious of the opposite sex, but I worked continually at not thinking about them as potential anything other than students.
I've got to get back to that way of thinking because things are not going to work out for me when it comes to men.
None of them have panned out and I don't feel that there is anything that I can do in order to find someone who would actually be good for me that I would be interested in.
I'm tired...I'm going to cruise E-bay. :)
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