For every step that one takes forward, when they slip, they tend to take at least three backwards. At least, that's been my experience to date. The previous week had been terribly busy and my stress levels were elevated. I tried my little excercises in being positive and found that I was falling short. I made the decision to see the guy that I stopped seeing after the revelation that he was seeing other women.
I decided that I would use the experience and the excercise as a way of closing that chapter. I figured that since I am fully aware of where we stand, I couldn't hope to get anything more out of it.
It was what it was. It certainly helped to calm some of the restlessness that I've been experiencing of late. He gave me a massage that seemed to release a lot of pain in my system, but, once it cleared, I felt a lot better.
We are not going to begin seeing each other regularly again. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty certain that I won't see him again, (it's a very long story, but trust me on this one). I feel ok. Our interaction was nothing like it'd been before, so I can't mourn something that is no longer. I don't feel terrible for my decision, I'm just awfully tired. I was up really late and slept during the day and I've got a chest cold.
I had a lot of time to reflect on the drive home. I'm tired of dating and dodging men. Literally! I think that it's time to open a new chapter of my life. In this chapter, I'm single and use my energies to focus on self realization and getting my spiritual balance back in place.
I feel as if I've spent the bulk of my adult life entangled with another person and it is a blessing to be free if the person you are with has negative energy.
It made more sense in my head! Lol. I'm just tired...and while I'm not feeling hopeless that I'll find a nice guy, I'm feeling resigned to the fact that there will not be any quality to my existence until I regain me.
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