Monday, March 20, 2006

My sadness is like the ocean....

Today I am sad and feel despondent because I was on the brink of falling in love with him and things worked out as they did. I have to cut the ties with him and it makes me sad to acknowledge that as well.

I feel as if I'm failing on so many fronts. I worked hard at this Math class and still only got a D. I have never received a D as a final grade in a class. I feel that I have torn myself into a million directions and there is nothing left. I want to cry until I can cry no more.

I am so tired of fighting the feelings of sadness...I think that they will win the battle this time. I will be 25 this Saturday and my life is nothing like I wanted it.

I just want to escape everything. I want to be alone with my despair. I want to change for the better but I'm not sure what specific things I am capable of doing. I want to get out of this cycle of stress and sadness.

I wish that it were apparent to me what to do....yet I do know. I guess I must pray for courage....courage and the true desire to change....

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