Lonely

I went to visit the guy out in Milpitas yesterday. He was nice. He got me a gift bag with candles, potpuri, a stuffed animal and champagne. It was thoughtful.

We went out to dinner. He took me to a lake and we talked (actually I tried to doze off while he talked. Later, we went back to the hotel and slept in the same bed and never touched. I felt no chemistry with him. He's a nice guy, but, I think that this taught me that perhaps either 1) I'm not attracted to him or 2) I'm not ready for dating or 3) he's just not the one. I felt more lonely after the experience than I imagined I would.

I miss my bestfriend. I could have discussed this with her and tried to make sense of it all, but, instead, I am writing into cyberspace and can't be certain that I'll receive any feedback. I am tired and feel depressed. I just wish that I could engage in some healthy interaction with someone else.

I am uncertain what I should do. I don't know if I should continue trying to find a person to become romantically involved with or if I should work on getting my friendship back. I don't know. I only know that everything hurts right now and I feel really despondent.

I think that I should tell this guy that I'm not attracted to him. I just don't like confrontation. I think he would handle it fine...perhaps I'm being selfish and not wanting to get rid of that option....