Another year....another loss

So much has transpired since my last posting.

I began a second job as a Customer Service Rep in a call center, I resumed classes for the Fall semester and I broke up with the man that I'd been dating since last November.

At the beginning of October, I went in to the urgent care center thinking that I'd had a yeast infection. It turns out that it was chlamydia. After I confronted him, he admitted that he'd cheated on me during the month that we did not talk. He claimed that it happened once and all but he could not give me a definitive answer about why and if it would not happen again.

Although I offered to work through it, ultimately, he admitted that he didn't feel that he was cut out for relationships and that he wasn't really interested in a commitment.

I dumped him a week later.

He sent me a couple of text messages a week to two weeks after the split saying that he missed me or that he was thinking of me. I intrepreted those messages as meaning that he was horny and was hoping that I'd consider continuing to sleep with him without the burden of a relationship.....*sigh*

The entire affair left me feel deeply saddened and depressed. I cared a good deal for him and would have stuck by his side. Although my rational side can see the logic in the argument that he was not meant for me and that I am better off without him, my foolish heart has missed him terribly. I have not bothered to reach out to him and I've only cried a couple of times. It is still really hard though...we split on the 17th of October. Our one year anniversary would have been the 25th of this month.

This is the third man in a row that I have dated that has cheated on me. I have made a decision to not be embittered by this. I did enjoy the time while it lasted and there is a valuable lesson that I have learned from this terrible experience...casual dating is fine in it's place, but, I am not cut out for it. I have consistently approached my dealings with men that I date as if we are in a marriage...but, they have not held the same ideas or beliefs.

Should I decide to give someone else an opportunity to get to know me, I will not bother to sleep with him unless we get married. It will save me a world of trouble. In addition to that, I'm going to cease dating for the time being.

I want to get my first Bachelor's degree so that I can afford to get a good paying job outside of the state of California. I am anxious to get out of this place. It is terribly expensive and I do not hold too many fond memories these days....