The Waiting Game....

I feel sad tonight. I slept with him this weekend, he volunteered that he’d call me on Wednesday and he never called. It’s Friday night and I wanted to call, but, what is there to say? It is clear what has happened the entire time that I’ve known him. I have put my life on hold (not at his request) in the HOPES that he’d come around. It hasn’t happened and it will not happen.

I am so sad and discontented. There was time when I felt free. I did not care what any guy thought. I wanted nothing more than physical gratification and felt that that would be enough.

I don’t know when I stopped evaluating whether or not he made me happy. I think that I came to need him to be happy. I think of him at times just about my every waking moment. It is not healthy.

I have put everything on hold and it has been for nothing. I believe that he will never come. I believe that I will never find someone else like him. GOOD. He is no good for me. I want to feel the same level of passion again for someone, but, I do not want to feel this way again. This has been an experience that I regret. I am too emotional to reflect upon what I can take away from this experience other than the importance of not dating anyone who tells you that they want to focus on their music or that there will be plenty of guys…..

I have waited for a long time for him to change when it really needs to be ME who changes. He doesn’t have to change. It really will not make a difference. I have to stop having relationships with people that hurt more than they feel good.

Tomorrow I’ve agreed to meet someone. We’ve had great conversations that are comfortable, but, I’m afraid of meeting people from the net. I don’t want another Andy experience. I’m also afraid of actually liking someone and being vulnerable. I want to just cancel, but I’ll keep my word. If nothing else, he will be one more great “friend” who is ultimately useless to me. *Sigh*