Tired on a Saturday night

So I've heard nothing else from Bright's cousin. Why does it not surprise me? I feel hurt and angry and these feelings are not new to me. I don't understand why I continue to do this to myself. Perhaps I've developed a penchant for pain. I think that it's that I am desperate to feel connected to someone else. I am anxious to feel wanted, desired and loved. For those reasons, I've continued to subject myself to this abuse or neglect or whatever one wants to call it.

It is Saturday night. I sent him a couple of text messages earlier this week and I have not received a single response. He will want to reach out to me the week after next when he wants something from me and I will be weak enough to respond.

A part of me wants to call him and formally let him know that I will not put up with this treatment and that I am through with him. It is pointless. It will not make any difference to him. He will simply use some other woman for the things that he has been using me for.

There is no need to communicate with him further. It hurts too much to speak to him. Does any of this sound familiar? I am so tired of going through the same bullshit with different men. I am fed up with these feelings. I want so much to find someone that I am happy with, but, that is not to be....