Never say Love Ya if "ya" don't mean it- - - -Right?

It is amazing, but, I don't know what happened during the month of January. Wait....it still is January. LOL. I had began to think that we were in February and could not figure out why I had not put up any additional posts for this month.

Things are a little crazy, as is always the case. I have spent this weekend watching my personal Sex and the City marathon. A couple of years back I bought the entire collection on DVD so I've been indulging myself.

I called the auto parts guy last night and gave him my spiel about being unavailable the majority of the time and he bought it.

I spoke with the guy that I've been sleeping with and he was spending the weekend with his children. I have my little one as well so...I kept the convo under two minutes and told him that he'd been on my mind and to enjoy his time with his family.

I am uncertain why I am still bothering. He and I can really go nowhere. After all, our conversations by phone typically go nowhere. While the convos that we hold in person are better, they certainly are not of the caliber that my convos with Marcus, Robert or Sir William are. Granted all three of these gentlemen are truly "Friends," I want to be romantically involved with a man that I can hold a mentally stimulating conversation with.

I am mystified about what it is that he wants out of life. I suppose that I should ask him again. I asked him what he wanted to be when he grows up and he said that he is grown. LOL. I pressed the issue and he told me that he would like to go back to school but that he doesn't feel comfortable being in public in the wheelchair which is a total crock.

This dude milks being in the chair. As a matter of fact, one of his good friends is a co-worker of mine and good friends with one of my friends from work. I was able to find out that this guy might be able to walk if he were to go through physical therapy. He later disclosed this information to me when I asked him why there was a walker in his bedroom.

I deduced that he is more afraid of possibly failing than anything else or that he is lazy. When he told me about needing to go through physical therapy in order to ascertain if he would be able to walk again, he admitted that he had not tried and that it was probably because sometimes he doesn't feel very motivated. I think that he is afraid, but, I did not press the issue then.

I later told him that nothing worth having will come easy and that I have had to struggle for most everything. He mentioned that he hoped that God would heal him. I told him that God might but that God blesses effort....

I am curious about where things will go for me this year. It seems that I am constantly between guys and thinking that there will never be another and then the next time that I write, there is a new guy that I am discussing.

I don't know what it is that I feel about this guy. He is incredibly cute and sexy, but, I don't just want sex. Early on in our acquaintanceship, I told him this and he agreed that he did not just want sex either. After we'd had sex for the first time, I told him that now that the sex was out of the way, we could focus on trying to build a friendship.

The next time that we got together, we went out for drinks and then to a boxing party at one of his friends' houses. It was nice and afterwards we went back to his place where he f*cked the sh*t out of me all night long.

I had a good time, but, was not certain that things were anything more than sex because I felt that he was being dishonest with me. After all, his friend had told my work friend that the guy wound up in a wheelchair because he was part of a robbery scheme that went bad and resulted in his being injured and the two other people being killed.

When I questioned him about how he got injured, he became uncomfortable but gave me a full story about how a friend's fight at a club over a girl got him hurt and two other guys killed. It sounded ridiculous to me, but, I did not point this out. When I went on to ask some additional questions, he told me that he should let me go because when he'd called me, I'd been working on homework. I teased him about how now that he'd gotten some from me, he being the player that he was, was ready to cut me loose. He got really defensive and then went on the offensive. He told me that he's not a player and that if I wanted to question his character, then we did not need to have conversations by phone. I was shocked and asked him if he was serious and then pointed out that I was giving him a hard time. He told me that he could tell that I was not teasing because of my voice. I told him that he was incorrect but that I was going to get back to work. He attempted to recover and told me to give him a call later when I was done. I was like "alright" but had already decided that 1)he was a total liar about how he'd gotten shot 2)his lie had caused him to be defensive 3)I would NOT be calling him back. This was on Tuesday....

Over the next few days, he sent me sweet and harmless text messages and left me voicemails, but, I did not return any of them. Finally, on December 9th, he tried calling me, (I ignored the call) and then sent me a text message asking me how my day was. I finally sent him a response and inquired about him. He shot back "When will I see you again." I wrote back "I can't be certain." This elicited a phone call from him where I admitted to him that based on our last conversation, I had no intention of having any additional contact with him, per his request.

He asked me, "So you were just going to stop talking to me," or something along those lines. I shot back that,"You told me that if I felt that way (that he was a player), that I should not have conversations with you on the phone anymore, so, I didn't." He tried to argue what he'd stated for a few minutes more and somehow we got to talking again and I wound up dropping everything and driving down there for sex that was even more incredible than the time before....

The following week, I had to spend in Walnut Creek for training. He called and sent me messages every day that I was out there. One evening, he spoke with me and I had company. :) Do you recall the gentleman from Martinez that I met in October? Anyway...the guy was right there in the suite with me and we had been watching tv while he gave me a back massage. I answered the call of my newfound lover (don't ask me why) and only spoke with him for a few moments before I tried to get him off the phone. He asked why I was trying to get rid of him and accused me of having someone else there. I refuted it for a few moments before I was able to get him off the phone. Mind you...I was only a few feet away from my very present guest.Lol.

I later called him back on the phone and insisted that I was on a business trip in a strange city with people that I did not know and not the type of woman that would invite random men over. He told me that he had been giving me a hard time. I wondered at the time if he was giving me a dose of my own medicine from the week before or what....

Later in December, he came out to a comedy club on a Thursday and I didn't make it out. When he sent me his final text message before he left the city that stated that he was on his way home and he'd get at me tomorrow and he signed off with love ya boo holla.

I didn't allow myself to think much of this. As a matter of fact, I figured that it was a quick text or that since he was a comedian, just his way of trying to be funny. I didn't acknowledge the message. That was December 22nd....

The next time that I got one of these odd messages was the other day. I have this habit of not really calling men. He'd mentioned on a few occasions that he was always the person that had to initate the phone calls. I didn't really argue this but I also did not respond to the complaint. After the last week of not hearing from him consistently and questioning if I would ever hear from him again, I decided to address the issue.

I returned his call last Sunday and told him that I missed him and some other stuff that a tough Aries woman like myself isn't necessarily going to readily admit. When he left me a voicemail on Monday night complaining that he could hardly ever get me to answer the phone when he called, I called him back, explained that my ringer was off because I was in class, and again told him how much I missed him. We agreed to talk later as we were both in the middle of something.

I took a shower and got ready to lie down for bed and since I was going to sleep, decided to text him as much. I told him that I was off to bed and that it was good to hear his voice :-) and told him "Good night, cutie."

He replied back, Fo sho babe love ya.

LOVE YA????????

Isn't this highly inappropriate? It certainly feels that way to me.

After all....we all recognize that I'm only borderline emotionally stable. I cannot deal with someone even inferring the L word to me this early in the game! LOL.


I was asleep and did not get the message until the next day. I was thoroughly mystified by this odd use of the "L" word. After all...he has never used such phrasing in any of our phone or in person dialogue.

I don't know if this is entertainment industry jargon or what!

I decided to do some field research and asked my bestfriend, my assistant at work, (a guy mind you) as well as my work gf and each of us agreed that using "love ya" was out of place based on the dialogue that we'd been sharing.

My work gf teased me that he's in love with me. My gay hubby asked me why it was hard for me to believe that the guy might be developing feelings for me.

The next day, I think that we talked on the phone briefly, (I'd called) and he was busy so he agreed to call me back. He never did. I went to bed and when I woke up, he'd sent me a message apologizing for responding so late and telling me that he was really jonesin for me and that we need to hook up and do some things.

I don't know what to think.

I do know that I called him a couple of days later and left a message wishing him well on his Thursday show as well as sent him a text and he never responded.

I was a bit put off. I called him on Saturday and spoke with him briefly as we were both with our child or children.

I don't know what to make of it all. Is this guy really trying to do me in?

All I know is that one should NEVER say LOVE YA if they don't mean it.....right? :)