Time has passed

The last time that I wrote in this blog was Sunday, January 14, 2007.

It was the day that my second cousin---a woman who was like an aunt to me---turned 50 years old.

It was also the day that her heart stopped in the ICU for the first time. Doctors were able to revive her and she held on for a few days more.

On Wednesday, January 17, 2007, she passed away.

Her death was sudden and unexpected.

The family was rocked to the core.

My immediate family and I made the 1700 mile journey from California to the small Texas town that had been her home for years.

We drove those miles and damned near killed each other in the process.

It was an arduous journey, but, worth our being able to attend the funeral services.

My heart still breaks each time that I think that I will never talk with her again or see her.

She has a new grandchild that she will never see take her first steps, hear say her first word or hold again.

We were gone for nearly a week and I've been home for approximately 2 days and I am still tired.

I returned to the same problems that faced me prior to leaving.

The bills...men...debt...ick!

The guy that I've been sleeping with and I got into a dispute yesterday when I called to ask him if he owned the knife (yes I did say that) that I found in my car.

After he denied ownership, he told me that I had a lot of boyfriends and that it was probably one of theirs.

He also pointed out that he is not my boyfriend....now my question is: where did that come in?

Perhaps I am naive, but, I have no idea what it is that he wants from me.

I am debating whether or not I should go out with someone else tonight.

I think that I will just for the sake of having something to do to take my mind off how weird things are becoming between us.

I am finding myself thinking of him all of the time and that cannot be good.

I just wish that I could find someone that wanted to make me happy that I felt the same way about. It would be so nice to take a break from this cycle....*sigh*

I suppose that is not to be.

I'm going to take a shower and do a little laundry just in case I do decide to go out.